I Wish You Love
by SFGrl
Summary: Chandler sacrifices his heart......for a cheesy fic based on a song, again. Read at your own risk. complete
1. I Wish You Love

AN: This is just a short story I thought up when I heard this song again. It's a great song, and a bad fic. LOL.  
  
The setup: Ross & Monica are brother and sister, and Rachel is Monica's best friend. Ross and Chandler were never roommates in college, and so they never met. Joey is Chandler's best friend, and Phoebe is Monica's roommate. Yeah, you don't really need to keep track, it's a Chandler/Monica fic.  
  
~I Wish You Love~  
  
February, 2002  
  
I suppose it was inevitable. From the moment I met her, I knew that my life would never be the same. She has a way about her, you know? Maybe it's the way her eyes light up when she's talking about something that she's passionate for. Or perhaps it's the way that she needs everything to be "just so". Whatever it was, it drew me to her.  
  
I remember the day I met her. It was January, and it was bitterly cold in New York. I was in a hurry, because I was running late for a meeting. I ran into a corner shop to buy a pack of cigarettes, and there she was.  
  
~*~  
  
January, 1995  
  
"Look, the tag says $2.99! You charged me $3.50!"  
  
"Lady, it's just FIFTY cents!"  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
"I'm sorry, do you mind if I just buy these cigarettes while you argue?" Chandler smiled at the pretty dark-haired woman standing before him.  
  
"Those things'll kill you, ya know," the woman snapped, and gave Chandler a once over, before glaring back at the man behind the counter.  
  
"What kind do you want?" the man asked Chandler.  
  
"Eh, ya know, I was thinking about quitting anyway," Chandler said, and winked at the woman as she looked back at him strangely. He walked out of the shop, and smiled to himself, as he made his way back to the office he was "temping" at.  
  
*  
  
Chandler went back to the shop, every day, for a week. But the mystery woman never came back. He finally relented to the fact that he'd lost his chance.  
  
Fate had other plans, though.  
  
He ran into her two weeks later, at a party. It was his friend Joey's birthday. As was typically the case, Joey had an apartment full of gorgeous girls. Chandler saw her as soon as he walked through the front door. He swallowed hard, took off his coat, and made his way over to her.  
  
"Did you get your fifty cents back?" Chandler smiled.  
  
"What?"  
  
"At the market.the, uh, $2.99 cookies?"  
  
"Oh! You're the, uh, smoker-guy!"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler laughed, "but I've been good for over two weeks!"  
  
"You really quit?"  
  
"Yeah. I think I should at least know your name. You were, after all, my inspiration," Chandler grinned.  
  
The woman laughed, and reddened slightly.  
  
"Monica. Monica Geller."  
  
"Chandler Bing, nice to meet you."  
  
"Bing?"  
  
"Yes, yes. Anyway, Monica, Thank You for your inspiration."  
  
"Okay, Chandler Bing, tell me something. HOW, exactly, did I inspire you to quit?"  
  
"You told me it would kill me."  
  
"You didn't know that smoking kills?" Monica asked incredulously.  
  
"Well, no one has ever put it quite as convincingly."  
  
"All I said was---"  
  
"It wasn't *what* you said, it was *how* you said it."  
  
Monica shook her head and laughed. "I need a drink."  
  
~*~  
  
Okay, so it wasn't my most charming pick-up line. And, as it turned out, Monica had a boyfriend---some giant tree named Richard. We became good friends, however, because my best friend Joey was dating her best friend, Rachel. But the closer we became as friends, the more difficult it was for me to contain my feelings for her. She was everything I'd ever wanted, but she was happy in love with Richard. I hated him, because *he* was everything that she wanted. He was everything I would never be.  
  
Then he broke her heart.  
  
~*~  
  
September, 1998  
  
"My God, Monica, what happened?" Chandler walked into Monica's apartment, intent on venting his troubles at work to her---she listened better than anyone---but his problems dissolved the second he saw Monica, sobbing uncontrollably, on the living room sofa.  
  
"He---he said he doesn't want more children---ever." Monica sunk into the sofa and sobbed harder.  
  
"Oh, Mon," Chandler immediately embraced her, and rocked her until she calmed down again.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered after a short silence.  
  
"Why? You have nothing to be sorry for. If Richard is too stupid to see that he let go of the best thing that ever happened in his really really REALLY long life, that's his problem. You are too good for him anyway." Chandler smiled and kissed Monica's nose.  
  
Monica sniffled, and smiled up at Chandler. Her smile faded as she stared into his eyes. She leaned in, and kissed him quickly, sending shockwaves through his now-trembling body. He closed his eyes, and took in her smell, her taste, and he imagined, just for a moment, that she could love someone like him. But reality hit him, and he pulled away, knowing in his head that it was the right thing to do--- even if his heart was breaking into millions of pieces.  
  
"Monica, you're in pain, and you're vulnerable, and I love you too much to take advantage of that," Chandler smiled.  
  
Monica nodded numbly, seemingly oblivious to what had just happened. Chandler sighed sadly, and wrapped his arms around her, allowing her to fall into a fitful sleep.  
  
~*~  
  
I nursed her through one heartbreak after another, all the while wondering why I was too chicken-shit to make a move. Then Rachel and Joey got married, and everything seemed to change. She was determined to marry her latest flame---a millionaire named Pete, and for a short while, she thought he felt the same. Then he decided he'd rather be the Ultimate Fighting Champion, and once again, Monica's heart was broken. A few months passed, and Monica didn't date at all. I finally worked up some nerve, after a few beers and a pep talk from Joey.  
  
~*~  
  
October, 2001  
  
"Hey, Chandler, I was just talking about you," Monica smiled as Chandler came in.  
  
"Uh oh."  
  
"No, it was good. I was telling this woman I work with how great you are. I think you two would really hit it off."  
  
"Oh. Uh, I'm---I mean---I doubt she's my type."  
  
"What? You don't even know her!"  
  
"Yeah well, ya know I just doubt she is what I'm looking for," Chandler shrugged.  
  
"Are you sure you're not gay?" Monica smiled.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure! Look Mon, I just---I wanted to tell you that I really um--- "  
  
"What? Chandler, are you okay? You look kind of pale."  
  
"I wanted to tell you that...that I know that your friend isn't my type because, well, because my type is more like, uh, more like you."  
  
"Oh. Well, then you wouldn't like Kathy, she's nothing like me," Monica laughed.  
  
Chandler nodded numbly, and waited to see if what he had just said to Monica would ever sink in. When it became clear that she didn't understand what he was trying to say, he tried a different approach.  
  
"I---the thing is Mon, I think that---I mean, I just---um, do you wanna have dinner?"  
  
"Sure. I can cook something, or---"  
  
"No. I mean, can I take you to dinner?"  
  
"Oh," Monica's eyes lit up, as Chandler's proposal finally registered.  
  
Chandler bit his lip, and shoved his hands into his pocket, as he awaited her reply.  
  
"Sure."  
  
~*~  
  
So, we went out. Twice, in fact. The second time, I could tell by the look on Monica's face that she was ready to take it to the next level. I wanted to tell her I loved her, and that I wanted to give her everything she ever wanted. But I never got the chance. Halfway through the main course, Monica's past walked through the door.  
  
And everything changed.  
  
Richard came back into her life, and he told her he would give her everything. And she said she needed time to think, but I know, I know in my heart, that she wants him. He was the Great Love That Got Away, and now that he's back, I don't stand a chance.  
  
So here I stand, bags in hand, and my hand poised to knock on her door. It's the only thing I can do, and I'm doing it, because she is *my* great love. She deserves happiness, with the man of her dreams. And I know that I don't fit her ideals.  
  
I knock. And she opens the door, and looks at me sadly. And I know she's made her choice. She sees my bags, and she gives me a confused look. I smile sadly, and try not to cry.  
  
"I wish you love," is all I can utter, before I turn to walk away.  
  
And I know, in my heart, she will not follow.  
  
~*~  
  
Goodbye, no use leading with our chins  
  
This is where our story ends  
  
Never lovers, ever friends  
  
Goodbye, let our hearts call it a day  
  
But before you walk away  
  
I sincerely want to say  
  
I wish you bluebirds in the spring to give your heart a song to sing  
  
And then a kiss but more than this  
  
I wish you love  
  
And in July a lemonade to cool you in some leafy glade  
  
I wish you health and more than wealth  
  
I wish you love  
  
My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be  
  
So with my best, my very best, I set you free  
  
I wish you shelter from the storm  
  
A cozy fire to keep you warm  
  
But most of all when snowflakes fall  
  
I wish you love  
  
My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be  
  
So with my best, my very best, I set you free  
  
I wish you shelter from the storm  
  
A cozy fire to keep you warm  
  
But most of all when snowflakes fall  
  
I wish you love  
  
("I Wish You Love", Andy Williams Music by Charles Trenet & English Lyrics by Albert A. Beach) 


	2. Follow Your Heart

AN: This is a v. short chapter, sorry bout that. Uh, someone asked why I put Rachel and Joey together. Uh, I dunno, I don't really have a preference; I just do whatever suits my fancy. Plus, I think Joey and Rachel would have cuter kids, LOL.  
  
  
  
~I Wish You Love~ Chapter II: Follow Your Heart  
  
His eyes upon your face  
  
His hand upon your hand  
  
His lips caress your skin  
  
It's more than I can stand!  
  
Why does my heart cry?  
  
Feelings I can't fight?  
  
I raced into the street, and was met by the bitter cold and ferocious winds of a winter storm. The snow was thick, so thick that I could barely see where I was headed. I wasn't entirely sure where I was going; I just knew that I couldn't stay.  
  
The winds were too strong. They pushed me backwards as I fought to stay upright. I smiled slightly, thinking that Monica's roommate Phoebe would probably say that this was a sign. A sign that I was meant to stay.  
  
But I don't believe in signs.  
  
I rounded the corner, and the winds intensified. I found myself hugging the walls of the buildings, as the storm worsened, mirroring the muddled feelings that plagued my soul.  
  
~*~  
  
"He just..left," Monica said, as Phoebe handed her a cup of tea.  
  
"And he didn't say why?"  
  
"I know why. It's because of Richard. It's because I can't seem to decide what to do anymore. Richard proposed last weekend. And I told Chandler about it, and he said that if I married Richard, he couldn't stay. I told him that he was being ridiculous, and selfish, and he stormed out. But I was wrong, and I wanted to tell him, but when I opened the door, he looked so sad. And before I could say anything, he was..gone."  
  
"Why didn't you go after him?"  
  
"I don't know," Monica shook her head. "With Richard, I know what to expect, and I know that I'll be safe with him. But with Chandler..we only went out a couple of times. There is so much uncertainty. He is so bad with relationships, you know?"  
  
"Yes. But is the uncertainty really so bad?"  
  
"I don't.." Monica shook her head.  
  
"If you love Richard, then marry him. Follow your heart, Monica. It's the only way you'll be happy."  
  
Monica nodded, and sipped her tea.  
  
~*~  
  
My mind was racing, but I couldn't seem to hold together a coherent thought. It was dark, and cold, and yet I felt sweaty, and my head ached. Images of Monica's face floated through my head. They were invaded by images of Richard and Monica, together. I suddenly felt nauseous. Through the fog I heard a voice.  
  
"Chandler? Chandler, wake up."  
  
I opened my eyes, but my vision was blurred.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
I tried to speak, but my mouth was too dry. All that came out was a barely audible groan.  
  
"How's he feeling, Rach?" I heard Joey's voice.  
  
"I think he's still feverish," Rachel replied, and placed a cold hand on my forehead.  
  
"Chandler, what the hell were you doing walking around in a snowstorm, anyway?" Joey yelled.  
  
"Sweetie, there's nothing wrong with his hearing, you don't need to yell!"  
  
"Water," was all I managed to say, before darkness engulfed me once more.  
  
~*~  
  
Monica stood at the door, wondering if she was, in fact, doing the right thing. She thought about what Phoebe had said, and thought about what she wanted, versus what she needed. Sighing heavily, she shook her head, and straightened her shoulders. She knocked sharply, and held her breath, as the door swung open.  
  
"Monica."  
  
"Hi, Richard."  
  
"Uh, come on in."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Is everything okay?"  
  
"Yes. I just...well, I've made a decision, about what I want..."  
  
~*~  
  
"Hey, Phoebe, is Monica there? Oh. Well, do you know where she went?" Rachel tapped her pen nervously on the kitchen table. "Okay, well, if you see her, can you tell her I called, and that Chandler is here, and that he's been asking for her? Yeah. Okay, thanks, Pheebs, bye." Rachel hung up the phone, and sunk into her chair, discouraged.  
  
"Hey, what did Monica say?" Joey asked, as he walked into the room.  
  
"She wasn't there. Phoebe doesn't know where she went."  
  
"Do you think she's gonna marry Richard?"  
  
"I don't know," Rachel shook her head, and smiled at her husband, knowing in her heart that he was concerned about his best friend's happiness. "I just hope she follows her heart."  
  
~*~  
  
I waited 'til I saw the sun  
  
I don't know why I didn't come  
  
I left you by the house of fun  
  
I don't know why I didn't come  
  
I don't know why I didn't come  
  
When I saw the break of day  
  
I wished that I could fly away  
  
Instead of kneeling in the sand  
  
Catching teardrops in my hand  
  
My heart is drenched in wine  
  
But you'll be on my mind  
  
Forever  
  
Out across the endless sea  
  
I would die in ecstasy  
  
But I'll be a bag of bones  
  
Driving down the road along  
  
My heart is drenched in wine  
  
But you'll be on my mind  
  
Forever  
  
Something has to make you run  
  
I don't know why I didn't come  
  
I feel as empty as a drum  
  
I don't know why I didn't come  
  
I don't know why I didn't come  
  
I don't know why I didn't come  
  
  
  
~"El Tango De Roxanne (La Tango De La Moulin Rouge)" by Baz Luhrmann  
  
~"Don't Know Why", by Jesse Harris (www.norahjones.com) 


	3. They Can't Take That Away From Me

~I Wish You Love~  
  
Chapter III: They Can't Take That Away From Me (Conclusion)  
  
*The Next Morning*  
  
"Mon, where have you been?" Phoebe practically pounced on Monica, as she walked through the front door.  
  
"I was at Richard's," Monica replied calmly, as she shrugged off her coat, "Phoebe, I have news."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Richard and I are engaged!" Monica smiled.  
  
"Wow! Congratulations, Mon," Phoebe smiled warmly.  
  
"Thanks," Monica smiled, and sunk into the sofa.  
  
"Mon, uh, shouldn't you be, like, jumping up and down or something?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm just a little tired," Monica sighed.  
  
"Oh, Rachel called for you a couple of times last night. She said to tell you that Chandler was at their place, and that he was asking for you."  
  
"Asking for me?" Monica looked up, confused.  
  
"Yeah," Phoebe shrugged, and headed into her bedroom.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey Rach, it's me."  
  
"Oh, hey Mon," Rachel said.  
  
"Phoebe said you called. What's up?"  
  
"Oh, uh, well, Chandler came by yesterday, and he was, uh, asking for you last night."  
  
"He could have called me himself," Monica said, slightly annoyed.  
  
"He had a fever, he was delirious. He's much better now, Mon, do you want to talk to him?"  
  
~*~  
  
I heard Rachel's muffled voice as I made my way into the kitchen. The closer I got, the clearer her voice became. My head was still heavy from the flu I was battling, but I was sure I heard Rachel say Monica's name. I stood in the doorway, and listened to the one-sided conversation.  
  
"Wow, Mon, that's great. Congratulations. Uh, huh. Have you set a date? Really? How does Richard feel about that? Oh, yeah. Okay."  
  
I took a deep breath, and tried not to cry. This is what I wanted, right? Monica deserved to be happy; she deserved to have love. But inside, my own selfishness was beginning to overwhelm me. Why couldn't she have been happy with *me*? I shook my head, and turned back toward the guest room. I dressed, gathered my things, and snuck out the front door unnoticed.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hey," Monica said quietly, as she opened the door to Chandler.  
  
"Hey," he whispered, and followed her into the apartment.  
  
"I, um, I talked to Rachel earlier. She was, um, concerned that you just left without saying anything. Are you okay?" Monica asked tentatively.  
  
"Yeah. I just..I wanted to say congratulations," Chandler smiled sadly.  
  
"Thanks," Monica replied, still unsure about how to act around Chandler.  
  
"Look, Mon, I know I said some things, um, before, but I really am glad that you have found what you're looking for. I'm happy for you. Really."  
  
"Chandler---"  
  
"I knew, from the moment I met you, that you were special. Richard knows it too, and for that, I am thankful. And I know you'll think me selfish, Mon, but I am leaving New York."  
  
Monica nodded numbly.  
  
"I came here to say goodbye. I wish you love, I wish you happiness, and I wish you a future filled with a houseful of children and grandchildren. I have to go. But you will always be in my heart," Chandler smiled, then laughed lightly. "I pulled that speech from a TV movie of the week. What did you think?"  
  
Monica smiled sadly, and blinked back tears.  
  
"Goodbye, Monica," Chandler smiled, and stood up. He walked to the door, and Monica followed. He opened the door, and turned in the doorway. He kissed her lightly on the forehead, and Monica fought off her disappointment that he didn't try to kiss her on the lips. No one, not even Richard, kissed her like Chandler had. She shook off the thought, and pulled him into a hug. She pulled away, and looked up at him crossly.  
  
"Chandler, are those cigarettes in you jacket pocket?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler nodded sheepishly, "What can I say? I lost my inspiration."  
  
Monica watched, as Chandler walked down the hall, around the corner, and out of her life.  
  
~*~  
  
I walked away, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. I moved to Portland, and started over. I can't really complain, my life is going well. I have a great job, I have a wife who loves me, and two great children. But sometimes, when the weather is gray, and the house is quiet, I think about that night, the night I walked away. It was over twelve years ago, but I swear I can still smell her perfume. I will always keep the memory of her, in my heart. I often wonder, if she ever thinks of me. If she remembers the night we danced all night, to the sound of nothing but autumn rain.  
  
~*~  
  
Monica watched the rain pelt the windows of her house, and smiled. She had buried Richard four years ago, and since then, her life had been a bit hazy. But when the rains came, she would think of Chandler. Somehow, after all these years, she still found comfort in the one she let go. She sipped her tea, and let herself be taken away from her reality, if only for a moment.  
  
Memories were all they had.  
  
~*~  
  
They Can't Take That Away From Me  
  
(George & Ira Gershwin)  
  
The way you wear your hat  
  
The way you sip your tea  
  
The memory of all that  
  
No they can't take that away from me The way your smile just beams  
  
The way you sing off key  
  
The way you haunt my dreams  
  
No they can't take that away from me We may never never meet again, on that bumpy road to love  
  
Still I'll always, always keep the memory of The way you hold your knife  
  
The way we danced till three  
  
The way you changed my life  
  
Oh no they can't take that away from me  
  
no they can't take that away from me  
  
(not without a lawyer anyway) We may never never meet again,  
  
on that bumpy road to love  
  
Still I'll always, always keep the memory of The way you hold your knife  
  
The way we danced till three  
  
The way you changed my life  
  
Oh no they can't take that away from me  
  
no they can't take that away from me.....  
  
~A~ 


End file.
